I’ve been in a similar situation before and probably lived my entire twenties in the same mindset. I just turned 30 a few months ago and kinda went through the same existential crisis a couple years ago. I hate to be “that guy” but I think you are putting too many high expectations on it. At this point in my life I don’t really try to date anymore because it always puts me in a similar mindset and I don’t like it. But ever since I stopped trying to date and forcing myself into the situation of dating I have been much more content with life. I started saving the mental space for other things that I can control and know I can accomplish.

I don’t know, I don’t know your specific situation in all its aspects and I’m only speaking from a place of my own experiences. I understand how you feel, and I’m sorry I can’t help. But if you want someone to talk to lemme know. And if it helps, I’d date the shit outta you. ;)